I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.
Brené Brown

One of the biggest reasons people avoid dealing with their – or other people’s – emotions is they want to avoid being uncomfortable. But it’s not just ordinary discomfort, like an achy back or the awkwardness of farting in public.

It’s the discomfort of emotions we are afraid we are ill-equipped to handle, or that means we are somehow inadequate or flawed.

This is why developing Emotional Intelligence is so important, not only career success but for the development of your self-confidence and self-esteem. Even when the outcome isn’t what you want when you act or speak in spite of your discomfort you gain confidence in your self.

A very important aspect of handling your emotions is to understand the purpose and function of those emotions we tend to dislike, such as fear, anger, and shame. Yes, they are uncomfortable. But, they have value.

Fear and anger are protector emotions. If they were comfortable to feel, they might not get your attention. That would make you more vulnerable to harm.

As for shame, there is healthy shame and toxic shame. Healthy shame is our internal moral compass. It tells us that we’re not perfect. We make mistakes. We hurt others or go against our own integrity. It’s called “being human.”

However, Toxic shame is not a core emotion. It is a feeling based on a belief that says, “I’m flawed.” It is the results of outside circumstance or treatment by others. This is harder to process but is worth the work and the discomfort it takes to release the core belief. I know because I’ve done it myself.

Doing that took courage, but for me, the alternative was worse. I had suffered enough and I wanted more out of life. In the end, when I finally fully face my toxic shame and felt it consciously, a thought popped into my mind, “Why am I the only one who’s flawed at the core? I don’t believe that anyone else is!” In an instant, the bubble of shame I’d lived in for years popped and in an instant, I was free of it.


Would you like to navigate pressures at work – deadlines, innovation needs, hard-to-work-with colleagues, and the myriad of challenges in today’s fast-paced world of business with greater ease? With the foundational knowledge and practical skills taught in my online course EMOTIONS AT WORK you will learn to handle these challenges and more with greater confidence and skill. More Information: https://joieseldon.com/emotions-at-work/